Exit, stage left even.
It’s kind of a hard decision to make, to cut it all off and just leave. But I’ve spent thinking about it over the night and honestly I can’t think of what would ever motivate me to do anything within this sphere of “esports” anymore.
I’ll be honest. I never expected people to agree with my opinion on what makes something an eSport or not. I’ve been quite honest about how my opinion is elitist, and I fully expected disagreement over the definition. Of course, looking at some of the reactions did make me realize that yes, I should have been more careful about how I phrased it. I obviously didn’t mean to “shit” on other games as a competitive game, but I could see why people would see it in that way.
But does all this mean that any of you have the right to call me retarded? an idiot? I couldn’t care less about what you considered my opinion. What I care about is the comments that suddenly popped up. Apparently, suddenly, I’m a terrible translator. Everything is a fluke. There are suddenly no place in esports for people like me.
You know, let me tell you this. I never wanted to do live translation to begin with. Deciding to help out at MLG Columbus took a pretty big decision because live translation was absolutely the last thing I wanted to do. And yet MLG looked like they needed someone so I jumped on board. I asked Lee if I absolutely had to and he said it was expected for me to. So I did it.
Call me “nervous” whenever I go on stage but it’s more exhaustion than anything else considering I’m terrible at taking care of myself at MLGs because I always run around so much and I have trouble putting myself before other things that need to be done. One of the reasons why I decided not to go to Providence (and apparently, it was the correct decision) was because I looked at myself in a mirror during the event at Orlando and I looked pretty much dead. I look nervous? No, I’m fucking exhausted.
It’s kind of shitty when people start criticizing you over shit like this. “OH HES SUCH A BAD TRANSLATOR HE IS ALWAYS SO NERVOUS”. Or someone to say “My KR friend says X” or “X is better”. Right.
And then comes the criticism of my written work. Suddenly, everything I do is shit. Everything I’ve done is absolute shit. And people start agreeing with it because you disagree with my opinion?
You want to know why I bothered doing anything for the community? Because I always thought the community deserved more. I never wanted to be popular nor did I want attention (although I guess I did enjoy it, but it’s not something I ever wanted). It’s the last thing I wanted. All I wanted to do was bring you guys good content, and I always just wanted the means to do so. I wanted to do a lot of nice things for the community because I was capable of doing it and seeing you guys appreciate the content was always good enough. Why else would I take on any of these extra works, or brainstorm a ton of new things I could do for the community? Sadly, none of these will come to fruition anymore but I guess it doesn’t even matter.
I’ve never been so absolutely demotivated in my life. It’s kind of hilarious how people can be. All over a single opinion. A single opinion that no one even bothered reading because everyone started putting words in my mouth and then attacking me personally. And then giving me lectures.
I’m done. I guess it’s good riddance for all of you.
Look, if you don’t have the cojones to back your opinion up, then don’t share it.
Saying that you never really wanted to be involved in the first place doesn’t help your case either.
Sorry if this isn’t what you’re used to when it comes to esports in Korea; around the rest of the world, we generally stick together, we flush out pretenders, and we’re generally not polite about it. Seems like everything’s in perfect working order.